4 Things Ultra Supportive Basketball Parents Know – And So Should You

A basketball Dad writes in…

DEAR COACH: When my son played little league basketball, he had all the confidence you could hope for. He was usually the point guard and scored moat of his team’s points. Now as a 7th grader, he rarely shoots, does not like to handle the ball, and seems to be intimidated on the court. What should I do?”

DEAR CARING DAD: You’re not alone. Many parents have written to me with the exact same concern you shared, which usually goes something like this…

“My child used to play fearlessly, but now that the game has gotten more competitive, they’re timid, afraid to make mistakes, and no longer look like themselves out there.”

If Dick DeVenzio, founder of PGC, were still here…

(Dick, who was also my mentor, tragically passed away in his 50’s from cancer but was a pioneer in the basketball world, writing some of the game’s greatest literature which is still passed around at the highest levels of the game to this day.)

… he’d remind us of something he said often:

“Confidence doesn’t come from words of encouragement. Confidence comes from evidence.”

When your son was little, the game was simpler. He got the ball, attacked, and scored often, so he had constant evidence he could succeed. Now, the competition is tougher. Mistakes carry more weight. And if he’s not putting in consistent, focused practice reps, he doesn’t have the evidence banked to feel confident when it’s time to play.

So what should you do?

Here are 4 simple tips:

1. Shift the focus from outcomes to process

Instead of “Why aren’t you shooting?” shift to “How many game-speed shots can you get up this week?” Confidence grows when a player stacks up real, measurable deposits in their confidence bank.

2. Normalize mistakes

Dick taught that players who fear mistakes stop growing. Instead of playing to win, fearful players play to not lose. Let him know mistakes aren’t a sign of failure, they’re the price of progress. The only way to get his confidence back is to risk looking bad until the reps catch up.

3. Help him see himself differently

Kids (just like us) get stuck in the recording playing in their head: “I’m not good enough anymore they tell themselves.” Help him rewrite that story by saying something like… “you’ve hit a stage where the game got harder, that’s normal. Now you get to decide whether you’ll lean in and grow.”

4. Create small wins

Again, confidence rarely comes back in one game. It’s built through a string of small victories such as an aggressive drive and finish, a fearless shot, a hard defensive stop. Celebrate those moments more than the box score.

I know this is a tough time.

But here’s the good news…

What he’s going through is normal.

The better news?

If he learns how to rebuild confidence the right way, he’ll carry that skill far beyond basketball.

As Dick would say, “Basketball is just the classroom. The real subject is life.”

It’s okay to encourage along the way, but more importantly, keep giving him the chance to put in the work that produces the evidence.

That’s how confidence and courage are reborn.

P.S. For more ways to help your child win in basketball and in life, consider sending them to a PGC Basketball Camp this summer.